My life has been somewhat like a carnival, some of the rides have been boring, some have been exciting and others just downright terrifying. There have been sideshows that required skill to navigate and others that were merely a game of luck. However, no matter what has transpired I have always managed to find something positive out of every experience, especially the bad ones.
As I have grown older, I have become more and more comfortable with who I am and care less and less about the opinions of others. Surviving domestic violence where I am very lucky to be alive today it changed my whole perspective, and I learnt the value of life. I now have the desire to live day by day and be grateful for the little things in life. For me there is more to life than obtaining material things and busting our butts working long hours to accumulate possessions. The value in life for me is being able to wake up for another day, breathe easily, enjoy the sunshine or the smiles and laughs of my grandchildren.
Aside from my grandchildren I gain my greatest joy by being able to help others find their power and speak their truth. Suffering from trauma of any kind, especially abuse, can destroy the very essence of what it is to be human. We can become depressed, fearful, anxious and filled with hate or vengeance, and I understand those feelings better than most. However, I also understand the power of the mind and the love within all of us that can help us release the pain of trauma and live an amazing fulfilling life with a heart free from hatred.
Through my experience with DV it would have been easy for me to maintain the hatred towards the person who was responsible. Throughout the whole experience I struggled to understand why it was happening and at first wondered why I deserved this. He was a narcissist who was adept at gaslighting and making me believe I was going insane. But the truth was that I didn’t deserve any of the abuse I experienced and that what I received was because of what was going on inside of him.
Why I was able to survive with my heart still filled with love and compassion was because I refused to hate him but felt only sorrow and pity for what he had experienced in his life that created the monster with whom I lived. Hate would have been toxic for me, it would have consumed me and made me bitter and would have kept him in control of me long after I had managed to leave and I refused to give him that power, he had taken way too much from me already.
I visited a psychologist and underwent counselling but, to be honest, I do not believe that she helped in any way at all as she had no ability to relate to what I had experienced. I know psychologists and counsellors undertake training to be able to help others but for me unless someone could truly relate to my experiences anything they said would land on deaf ears. So through my own self-reflection, my writing of a book on abuse and my belief that I was worth better I managed to take all the pain from my experiences and find peace in my heart and myself.
Now I am ready to help other victims of abuse to find the same peace, to let go of the pain and trauma and again find happiness. If I can help you I am happy to do so for your story is my story and I am here for you.
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