Be at Peace with Who You Are.

It can take time to be at peace with who you are and at that point you will realize that no matter what others say or do you will be in control of how you react. At times throughout our life, we may have an experience that gets our blood boiling or triggers our emotions where we immediately respond, often we then regret what we have said or how we reacted. After all once words are spoken, or, in this modern technological age, sent in a message, they cannot be taken back or erased.

For many of us there are also times when we have kept quiet for various reasons thereby stifling our own voice when we have been disrespected and then, by doing so, have enabled others to continue to treat us badly. When we exhibit a highly emotional response there are people that will deliberately set about to trigger that response as it puts them in control of us and they like nothing better than for us to be upset or hurt.

But when we are in control of our own emotions, when we are happy with who we are and when we are at peace with ourselves then our reaction will be peaceful and truly reflect who we are. Not responding to others who trigger you, not caring about what others say behind your back and not feeling the need to defend yourself are all signs that you are at peace with who you are. It matters not whether you are religious, spiritual, agnostic or an atheist or identify as anything in between, how you treat other people, particularly in highly emotional circumstances, will be a reflection of the type of person you truly are.

There are those that act the same regardless of the circumstances and those that change their behavior based on how they want others to see them. It is hard for me to understand those that paint a different picture based on the circumstances of their situation, where they are or who they are speaking to, and for me that creates a sense of suspicion as I do not know which version of themselves is real. The person who changes their manner or tone of their voice when they are trying to manipulate someone for their own benefit, or the person who is rude and aggressive at home but in public they are super sweet and nice, or even worse the person who is always painting themselves out to be a victim by blaming others for their situation or putting others down when they aren’t there to defend themselves is a person I now try to keep at arm’s length.

How a person acts when faced with an emotional situation, will reflect on them, and can change how they are viewed by those around them. Do not tolerate people who scream at you, and often scream over the top of you, when they are quite capable of speaking more respectfully. If a person starts to scream, then I can shut off and not hear a word they say. Sure, we all get upset and our voices can become raised at times but screaming like the proverbial banshee is over the top and out of control and not worth my time and any response is a waste of my energy.

Be true to who you are, not who you want people to believe you are, that can be two different things. When we are at peace with who we are we put no importance on how others see us, and we will most definitely not try to influence their opinion of us. We will not criticize others or talk about them behind their back to paint ourselves out to be their victim because we will allow others to form their own opinions and we will never expect others to change to be what we want them to be for we will accept them the way they are and be grateful for their presence.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage your own emotions and understand the emotions of other people around you. I have seen people that I held in high esteem spit forth venom in a screaming tirade filled with hatred and lies which, for me, is highly inappropriate, disrespectful and uncalled for and has changed my opinion of them in an instant where I have lost all respect for them. 

Being comfortable with who I am now allows me to accept others for who they are regardless of their flaws. The only expectation I have of people who I choose to have in my inner circle is that they treat me with honesty and respect as I do them. I do not have to like everything they do or say, but I will respect their right to do so, and I will not judge them for it nor take it personally.

We all have a right to make choices for our highest good and anyone who takes offence by us doing so cares nothing about us, has little or no empathy and is making our life all about them when it is not. I believe in myself and the quality of the person I have become, and I do not need others to validate me.

Like me or not that is okay for me, whatever you think of me you are right for your thoughts and your opinions are just that, yours and they matter more to you than they do to me, and they certainly do not make it the truth. It has taken me many years to be comfortable and confident enough to not care what others think, even if they are family. I am not perfect and am happy for those closest to me to call me out on my shit, as I will them, but all of that comes from a place of heart space and love and not judgement.

Learn to be at peace with who you truly are and be grateful for all those around you and you will find that all the naysayers, all the negative Nellie’s and all the judge Judie’s will soon disappear and take their toxicity with them, and life will be so much better