Past is Past!

There is absolutely nothing we can do to change our past, it is what it is, gone, fading moments into the pages of our own history books. Undoubtedly there are some moments that, from time to time, we would want to remember and relish in, purely because they invoked pleasure and joy, and we want to relive that feeling. But there are also moments that we would rather forget and leave in the past, moments where we made bad choices, moments where we behaved less than ideal, moments of embarrassment or moments that sent us down a path we would rather not have followed.

What astounds me are the people who relish in the discovery of people’s past mistakes to the point they use that information against them. Politics immediately comes to mind, as does celebrities, sports people and anyone in the public eye. The public thrives on the drama of others and the judgmental trolls of social media have a field day as some would say that anyone in the public eye is fair game. I will beg to differ as a person’s past does not define who they are in the present or who they will be moving forward.

It does not just occur for famous people, it can happen in a group of friends, in the workplace, between neighbors or, at it’s worst, in families. And this has recently happened to me. I have never professed to be perfect in any way shape or form. I am human and I have made mistakes and bad choices, but I have also done a lot of good. There are some things I have been accused of and never done, there are things I have done that I shouldn’t have and there are things I wish I had done but was never brave enough to do.

Am I the person I was 20 or 30 years ago? Hell no! I am so far removed from that person in many respects I don’t even know who she is. I have experienced much in my life not all of which was good. Most of the people I know would know very little of what I have experienced, not even my family, as it is my life and I have shared those darkest parts only with those I trust implicitly, those I trust with my life, shall we say. Maybe I am scared of being judged, or of people not understanding, or of disappointing people, I am still not sure. But what I am sure of is that each of those experiences has taught me about myself and other people and for that I am eternally grateful.

Maybe the fact that I have made mistakes is the reason I will never judge others by their past for I truly believe that we all have a right to be able to move forward, everyone has a right to second chances. I have met people with long criminal histories that are nicer and more respectful than people who have always walked the straight and narrow. I have known a serious long-term drug addict who turned his life around to become a spiritual leader of a large community. I have seen a serious violent offender do everything in his power to make a more positive life for himself. At no time I have judged any of these people for their past, because that is exactly what it is; PAST.

So, it astounds me, and saddens me, that I was recently taunted by a family member, who discovered something from my past and then waved that knowledge around, as did their friends, as a weapon trying to make me out to be a bad person and to humiliate me. Really? It was over 20 years ago, and I am not the same person. What was their motive? Why did they find it so enticing to discover that? Was it merely a way of denigrating me or a way of justifying themselves and their behavior? Probably a bit of both, but it was also because I no longer served a purpose for them, I no longer cow tailed to their narcissistic bullying demands so their only recourse, as true narcissists do, was to try to change how others see me.

In my opinion, for what it’s worth, people who resort to this type of behavior, do so because they have very low self-esteem and search for any way to diminish the integrity of others, so they feel better about themselves. I do not care about other peoples’ pasts, it has no relevance to me, only how they behave in the present and how they treat me. I will not climb into the gutter with toxic people trying always to bring others down for that serves no purpose to me.

And to those people who find it necessary to dig up my past, or to gossip about me in an attempt to denigrate me in their own eyes or the eyes of others, please feel free to continue if that is what it takes to make you feel good about yourself. I am comfortable with who I am today, the woman I have become, I live with no regrets, and I am, most certainly, a much better person having lived the life I have. Your opinion of me has no bearing on how I feel about myself and is only an opinion and as it is yours it is only true for you. Anyone who believes your opinion without first getting to know me or speaking to me is most assuredly not welcome in my life. So, believe what you want, say what you want because by doing so you are not defining me, only the type of person you are, and you are truly only mind over matter: I don’t MIND because you no longer MATTER.

For anyone who has found themselves in a similar situation my advice to you is to “Let whoever, think whatever!” Stand tall and proud in who you are today and who you have become. The naysayers, those that try to bring you down, those that dig up your past and spit forth vitriolic bullshit are nothing more than toxic bullies trying to make themselves feel good. Be proud of who you are and leave the past in the past and step forward into your future with dignity and your head held high as I am.