Look for the Positive!

Are there really any problems in life or is it just how we look at a situation. Sure, there are bad experiences that we can have, and many of us do, but are they really problems? Anything in life is relative to our own perspective, how we see it through our eyes and based on our internal belief system. Many people strive to own a car, a house, the best of everything, yet others are happy with a minimalist lifestyle. Does owning more make a person happier, or does having less? That depends on your perspective.

Ending a relationship, for whatever reason, for many is a heartbreaking experience yet for others it is quite liberating, and I don’t just mean for the person who ended it in the first place. It all depends on how you look at things. Just because we love somebody it does not mean that they are good for us or having them around is healthy for us, in fact, it can be quite the opposite. Losing a loved one through their passing is, for many, a tragic event, but I have learnt that for me to be so distraught over the death of a loved one is only selfish as their passing is not about me. I have learnt to be grateful that I was privileged enough to have them in my life in the first place and that they are now in a place of peace.

I believe that the spirits of those that have passed are ever present and that I can feel them near when I need to, I still speak to my mother from time to time even though she passed almost 19 years ago. Sure, I miss her, every day, but I am also happy that she is now free from the pain and suffering she experienced in the last few months of her life. Everyone handles death differently and everyone grieves in their own way.

The same can be said for families that become dysfunctional, where some members stop talking to others. Recently I have become estranged from my daughter, for reasons that are really not relevant. From my perspective I still hold love in my heart for her and wish her the best in everything she does but I am also extremely grateful for the peace I now have in my life. I have learnt to release the attachment to her, not just her personally but to the need to know how she is doing, what she is up to, who she is seeing.

At first it was tough, no doubt, and there were questions I asked of myself, but they were purely fueled by my ego. What did I do wrong? Could I have done more? Why is she the way she is? There are many who will say that we are the way we are based on our upbringing and the parents we were raised by and that is only partially true. We cannot continue to go through life blaming our parents for our lot in life at some point we have to take responsibility for our actions and our choices.

Sure, we developed belief systems and patterns based on our experiences from childhood but as we grow into adulthood, we become the ruler of our own destiny and it is our choices that will determine how we live. Continuing to blame our upbringing serves no purpose because we are failing to see the power we have over our own lives and fail to take responsibility for it. If we are still getting the same results, if we are still struggling, still having bad relationships then we need to look at our choices, our own habits and perspective because we are the only ones that can change the situation.

Yes, we are influenced by circumstances, cost of living, what we get paid, but the more we complain about those things, the less chances we have of overcoming them. There are many things that are out of our control, but worrying about them, stressing over them is only going to have an adverse effect on us and our health, and the people around us. No matter how difficult life becomes if we continue to focus on the bad things then we are only going to see more and more of the same, but if we start to look for the good, the little things that we can be grateful for then we will start to feel better about our lives and good things will start to happen.

For me, in my situation with my daughter, it also means that I no longer get to see my grandchildren, but I am now free to do the things I have put on hold for so long. I am able to write more, paint, read, visit friends and travel and for that I am truly grateful. I know in my heart I did everything humanly possible to support her regardless of what she tells others and I know that my grandchildren will always love me as I do them and sometime in the future we will reconnect. I have chosen to look for the positive in the situation, as I try to do with every situation, and in doing so I am finding more and more abundance and joy in my life.

Our minds are most powerful tool we have for it is by using that am I able to decide for myself how I am going to react to everything life throws at me. So, the next time you are faced with a stressful situation take a moment to look for the positive, it may only be something relatively tiny but if you change your perspective and look hard enough you will find it and the stress will most surely start to diminish. I encourage anyone who needs help to find the positive in their life to reach out, I know I can help you find it because I know it is there.