True Friend or Not?

How many people do we really need in our lives? There are some that are quite happy, or so they want us to believe, being alone like a hermit. Then there are those that crave the attention of others to the point that they are the “life of the party” or the one holding court in every situation. Social Media has created the “influencer” the person who appears to have the power over the masses yet, is it really necessary?

What is it about the human psyche that relishes in knowing what others are doing, or the pain of others, or worse, when others have made bad choices or are failing? Why do people like to engage in gossip either by spreading stories or listening to them? It is a sad indictment on society that people blindly believe what others tell them in regard to people they don’t like without bothering to find out what is truth and what is a fabrication.

We cannot control what others think of us, nor can we control what others say about us. Those that are quick to listen and believe the worst about you have their own internal issues that they are refusing to face and listening to crap about others makes them, not just avoid their issues but feel better about themselves. There is always a motive behind people talking badly about another, whether they are blaming a person for a situation or trying to influence how others view them and unless we try to understand the motive behind those that gossip and are just blindly believing it then we are just as guilty as they are.

We surround ourselves with all sorts of people, both in person and on social media, we can be a private person, or we can share everything which can give those on the outside a snapshot of who we are as a person. Are you, like me, a private person? Or, are you the sharer, constantly taking selfies or pictures of food and the like, sharing them on social media platforms? What is your motivation? Do you crave the attention of others, are you trying to validate yourself, are you hiding from who you really are?

How many of the people who surround you do you truly trust with your deepest desires, your darkest secrets, your truth? How many truly know you? Do you know yourself? And of the people around you how many trust you with their secrets? Are you the first person they turn to when they need help? Or are you only there when they need something?

I, for one, share very little on social media, only because I do not see the need or feel I need to validate myself. I am not one who wants to influence the way others behave or crave the attention, although I am here if anyone needs help or advice. I understand that social media can increase a client base and generate income, however, I disagree with that being done at the expense of another person’s dignity or reputation.

We have all had so-called friends who are only there while we serve a purpose in their life. You know the ones, the friend who messages when they are trying to manipulate you into doing something for them only to give you a cold shoulder when you cannot. Or the one that asks how you are and then immediately gets onto their phone and scrolls through social media rather than listen to your answer as they weren’t really interested it only made them look good to even ask. And worse are those who call you when they are in trouble or need help yet will walk away when the shoe is on the other foot, and it is you who could use support. Then there are those that do anything possible to avoid paying for things or are always looking for a freebie or handout even when they are not really in need of one.

I now only surround myself with a very small group of people I call friends. Sure, I know many people, but most are acquaintances not what I consider friends. My friends are those that are in my life because they value my friendship as I value theirs, those that would do anything to help me as I would them, and they truly listen and care without judgement when I need that shoulder to lean on. They are the ones that have my back when I am not around, accept me as I am and listen when I need to express myself without taking anything I say personally for they know my life is about me, not them.

True friends are those that will help without expectation, laugh with you and not at you, listen without judgement and have your back when you are not around. I am privileged enough to have friends like that whose friendship and presence in my life have been a constant support through some tough times and I am eternally grateful for each of them. I hope you are lucky enough to have at least one.