Trust!

Life is full of lessons and some of those can be quite hard to accept, nonetheless they are worth learning. It may not seem it at the time but taking a deep breath, giving yourself some time to absorb what has happened and look at the situation with some clarity and objectivity you will find the lesson.

One of the hardest lessons to learn is that trust is hard to earn but easy to lose. Many of us will automatically want to trust each person in our life, especially those we have known for some time. Is that simply naivety, or is it our wanting to believe that people are intrinsically good. Either way, when we learn that people we respected can’t be trusted, then it cuts deep.

There are some people who are just downright manipulative. After dealing with my own mental health issues caused by toxic relationships, I was again thrown under the bus by a person who I believed at the time to be true to their word. Why are people so self-entitled that they will manipulate others for their own hidden agendas? Are they truly so self-serving that they have no regard for the well-being of others? Clearly not, so I have learnt.

Then there are those people who portray themselves out to be good, honest people who, at some point, we may gain an inkling that they are not. Something will not feel right, and if we take a step back and observe their behaviour, we will eventually see their true colours. For example, the “friend” who is always complaining or expecting things for nothing or the one who believes that what’s theirs is theirs and what’s yours is also theirs. Do they acually believe they have the right to rip others off, or steal from people? Have they no shame or regard for others? Are they truly so self entitled that they do not care? It would seem some are.

It is all based on our own perceptions. what one thinks is an untrustworthy act, another could see as trivial. None of us are saints, and there are situations that I, too, could be seen to be untrustworthy, and I accept that and take full responsibility for that. I will not profess to be perfect, and I will not try to justify my actions, for that is a waste of time. But the lesson I have learnt from that is no matter how good a person we believe we are, no matter how pure are our intentions behind our actions are, there may always be someone who feels hurt, offended or betrayed.

Trust is most certainly hard to earn in many cases, but it is easily lost. Once it is lost, it can be near impossible to regain. Living your life with honesty and endeavouring to make good choices is always a challenge, but the inegrity of a person, or the lack there of, will be evident by the actions and how you treat others.

When someone loses our trust, it is also prudent to try not to be too quick to judge but to try to understand why the trust is gone. Is it merely that they are untrustworthy, or is it because something we did, or said, contributed to their actions? Whatever the reason, learn to be forgiving, not for them but for you. The longer you hold onto the disappointment the more it will have an affect on you and, let’s face it, they don’t really care, otherwise they would not have betrayed you in the first place.

The quicker you can let it go, the better for you. Forgiving another does not mean you have to have them back in your life. However, we often give people second chances, and some of us take longer than others to learn the lesson. Whatever you decide, do what is right for you and try not to deliberately betray anothers trust yourself.